Down With Danni

Okay, I’m being serious now when I say WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU LIKE DANNI MINOGUE?

I was just watching The X Factor and she’s pretty much the most annoying, most pointless thing I’ve ever seen on TV.

It’d be alright if she ever had anything decent to talk about. It’d be alright if she was indeed successful herself. It’d be alright if she actually knew her stuff. It’d be alright if she was nice to look at.

The thing is, she is none of these things. I watch as she sits in Cheryl’s shadow with mediocre hair and an annoying accent. Okay, some of you may say that Cheryl’s accent is more annoying, but if you do, I’d tell you to f**k right off. My family are all Geordies and we will hurt you.

I love to rant and rave about Danni, as she seems to think that being on The X Factor makes her superior to her sister, Kylie. Obviously, this is not the case. Everyone knows that Kylie is a better singer with more top ten hits and a prettier exterior. All in all, it’s safe to say that she’ll never win her sister at anything.

Why am I reviewing her? Because here at the Wiggle, we can review anything. And I mean anything. From cereals to eyebrows, underwear to potato wedges, we’ll review it. So I have chosen to review a person. A person who deserves no more publicity on this website.

I give Danni a ZERO OUT OF FIVE. Loser.