We’ve all been to Starbucks, right? Now imagine Starbucks but much smaller, in a tucked away back street in the middle of England. That’s our sort of coffee shop.

Sopho, Matt and Lauren (that’s us!) recently ventured out together for a coffee trip, not expecting much, other than a little quiet time away from the Wiggle. There was no reason why we chose this particular coffee shop, it was simply the first one we came to. Also, the fact that Onion despises any big corporations (Starbucks, McDonald’s, Caffé Nero) ended up in us going for the more independent coffee chain.

This post comes in three categories: Food & Drink, Décor and the Staff, which consists of one single little man, who runs the whole show.

Food and Drink

The most important part of a coffee shop is obviously what is available to drink. And snacks come a close second.

The coffee at Muse is strong – just the way I like it. Add sugar if you don’t. Some advice for you there. I also tried a sip of Sopho’s fancy flavoured Gingerbread latté, which was extreeeeemely sweet, but tasted like Christmas. (The sweetness could be down to the six tubes of sugar she put in there.)

There’s even something for your vegan friends; Matt settled for some black tea, which was supposed to be peppermint.

The food consisted mainly of sugary, fattening cakes and sweets. I like that. For someone with a sweet tooth, it was like heaven. They had a selection of the cutest cupcakes I had ever seen, decorated with pink icing and stars, or yellow icing and jelly tots. Just beautiful. I went for a flapjack. Which was, by the way, the BEST flapjack I have ever eaten. It was gooey, syrupy and I didn’t actually want to finish eating it because it was so good.

Lauren gives the food & drink a 5 out of 5.

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Décor.

Now, I guess I have to half agree with Lauren that if you’re going to a coffee shop then the food and drink is pretty damn important. But would you really want to sit and drink your Cappucino in squallor? No. No matter how good it might taste.

Ideally situated opposite to the new Nottingham Contemporary, this coffee shop is artistic in it’s own right. The big black boards behind the counter made it easy to choose what to order,  but the cute little drawings remind you that you’re not in some big corporate business.  Although the little round tables and the high ‘breakfast bar’ style seating looked comfortable enough (and all enabled you to use WiFi on your laptop), we were really drawn to the two leather sofas by the counter.

Now,  I know it’s only November, and I’m usually against Christmas decorations being up early, but next to these sofas was the cutest Christmas tree I’ve ever seen. Apart from making me smile as soon as I saw it, this little tree made the fwhole place feel indescribably cosy, without being so much that I felt it was December the 25th already. Overall, I’d say that there are very few places I’d rather spend a Saturday afternoon than this cute little coffee shop with a shower in the toilets.

Sopho gives the décor a well deserved 5 out of 5.

The Staff

Upon entering the Muse coffee shop and becoming overwhelmed with its chique environment, my eyes soon found focus on the single member of staff in the place.

This man, whose name I do not know (and after sweeping over a google search, I couldn’t find), was initially a very pleasant sight.

Being a man-lover and everything, I was initally very much drawn to his attractive (yet politely restrained) facial hair and his young looks. He seemed like just the type of person I’d like to be served by in a coffee shop.

That is, I would’ve loved to have been served by him if there were OTHER STAFF in the place.

Because within about 30 seconds, the problem of having only one person staffing everything fell quickly into place. And unfortunately for Muse, the looks couldn’t make up for the inherent problems encountered.

At the time, there was a small group of us at the counter. Plus a man who had just come in with his wife. There were a number of orders taking place, and whilst we all watched absently, he frantically dodged around the ‘cosy’ preparation area.

Whilst the ‘homely’ feeling remained by having just one member of staff — and no doubt the kitchen-y section would’ve become very cramped with another person in there — there was still a sense of, hmm, dangerous speed.

And by dangerous, I mean ‘you better take my order right, god dammit’.

Which he didn’t. Slightly surprising, because, as I recall, our brief exchange went as follows:

“Tea, yeah?”

“Yeah. Herbal tea. Peppermint.”

And I got regular, milk-free, sugared black tea.

Which I don’t drink.

And promptly gave to a friend. Who also disliked it. Hmm.

Though, sure, the taste of the nasty black tea wasn’t his fault, receiving it was.

And sure. I could’ve quickly told him that my order was wrong and for him to change it. But with him continuing to bounce off the walls of this tiny little preparation area, a part of me felt anxious to stop him to ask to give me what I actually asked for. His speed was… strangely, dominating.

Albeit, he was friendly enough. And his looks did indeed buffer him from a real markdown on the place.

But honestly? I don’t think I’ll ever return.

In the owner/runner’s defence, after looking at their new twitter stream it would appear that muse is new, so I do sympathise with the inevitable problem of not having any other staff yet. So, in fairness his getting-wrong-of-my-order can be slightly excused.

Matt gives the runner of the whole show a 2.5 out of 5.