What’s that? you ask. Well, long story short, the ‘Phoney War’ was given its name because of the period of nothingness it represented during the war.

As you’ll probably know, ‘phoney’ means ’something that is not genuine’ or ‘fake’. Pretty much like the entirety of Heidi Montag’s face.

So, when Britain declared war on Germany and the axis powers on September 3rd 1939, Britain set right to the task of speeding up rearmament and getting their navy and air forces ready for full out war. Right? Wrong? Oh…

Well, let’s see what they did do.

British Successes.

• December 17th 1939 – 1 German battleship (the Graf Spee) was sunk. This was significant because it marked the first actual defeat of a German force by Britain. But wait… just 1 battleship? Out of God knows how many? Come on Britain, step up your game.

• The Government continued you to rearm. As you’ll probably know, in 1914, Britain became involved in a little thing called ‘The Great War’. Eh, you’ll probably not remember it. It wasn’t significant… (*sarcasm*) But yeah, since that war, Britain went under a disarmament program, which stripped away all machinery and heavy artillery from the country in an attempt to prevent further warfare. So, when a Second World War was inevitable, rearmament was needed. And fast.

• The Emergency Powers Act was passed on August 24th, 1939. This act basically stated that the Government had the right to do whatever they wanted/needed at home, i.e. to introduce conscription, in order to aid the war effort. Seems they were focusing *very* heavily on things on the home front…

• In just 3 days, nearly a million and a half children were evacuated to small towns in the countryside. This shows how quickly the Government were able to work when they needed to. It’s also apparent here that the Government were willing to do things for the good of their country.

• Air raid shelters were built. These shelters were named ‘Anderson’ shelters after the dude that designed them. He was a minister of some sort, if you must know.

• Air raid wardens were appointed to particularly at risk areas. Much precaution was again being taken on the home front, but it seems that there was little being actively done militarily…

• The blackout was established. This called for all lights and windows to be blacked out during the night to avoid easy detection from German bomber aircraft. However, this did have a downside: people who needed to drive their cars at night were not allowed to have their headlights on, therefore increasing the number of traffic accidents during this period. Well, you can’t please everyone.

In summary, most of the British successes during the Phoney War were ones that took place at home. Let’s see their weaknesses shall we?

British failures.

• Britain declared war but didn’t help Poland. They were not yet rearmed enough to take on those big, nasty Germans and their big, nasty Bratwurst sausages. Ut oh.

• Britain did not invade Germany from the West for exactly the same reasons. That sounds exactly like a Germany vs. England football match…

• They did not attempt to change the timid approach to war presented by the Dutch and Belgian Governments that would enable Britain to defend them properly. Cowards in comparison to newly war-minded Britain, the Dutch planned to retreat North and the Belgians refused to cooperate with the Allies. Know what I say to that? FINE. If you don’t want our help, stop wasting our time, you little bitchezzz.

• Britain had no effective strategies or plans in place. They had decided that were Germany to invade Belgium, they would attack using the most effective force. However, this strategy lacked any flexible response to anything unexpected. So basically, if Germany had attacked the North of France instead, we’d have been screwed: we had no backup plans for unexpected attack. I’m pretty sure the obvious thing to do would have been to set up divisions in each of the countries at risk, but it seems Chamberlain and co. had a lapse in tactics. Or you know, a lapse in brain power altogether.

• Expensive restaurants in Britain weren’t closed. A minor point, but this suggests that the war wasn’t being taken seriously, and spending was still going towards luxuries instead of necessary war equipment.

• The car industry continued to manufacture fancy schmansy new cars. Dedicated to tanks and war planes? I don’t think so.
• October 1939 – British battleship the Royal Oak was torpedoed when in the “protected” anchorage area at the Scapa flow. For reals? I thought we were re-arming and shit? Looks like our Government weren’t as trustworthy as we’d hoped…

That’s it. Wait… No it’s not. Because there was 1 things that suggested both British failure and success during this Phoney War period.

The One Factor That Suggested Britain Failure AND British Success.

• The British navy was used mainly to blockade German land – this was both passive and defensive. This blockade did damage German economy for a few months – German fuel and iron ore stocks dropped by a significant 1 million tonnes. However, it seems that Germany provided better living conditions than Britain at this time – they were well supplied and super well prepared. That’s more than I have to say for the British.

SO, TO SUMMARIZE:

1) Britain were succesfful in protecting the home front.

2) Britain were not so successful in instigating any real threats to the German powers, implying that they were weak and in fact unprepared.

3) NOTHING REALLY HAPPENED. Although Britain declared war in September 1939, the first significant military event for Britain wouldn’t come until June 1940, when the Norwegian Campaign would take place.

Overall?

British Failure.