This is why Onion is no longer allowed to go shopping.

Onion gets all warm and fuzzy for something special to put in his mouth.

I’m a super fan of Twitter.  In fact, I think I’m pretty much in love with Twitter.  It’s true.  We’re getting married on  Tuesday.  You should come.  Just don’t bring any cupcakes.  Like, seriously, I’ve eaten way too many of those these past few days.  And then I have to give them to Twitter and [...]

Onion has a soft spot for traffic-reporting websites with verbs in their names.

Onion splurges about why offensive music like Lily Allen's is better than most.