Hence, why so many people, omnis and vegetarians, find cheese to be such a central part of their lives.

And that’s why so many vegans find they have cravings for cheese randomly, after months or even years into being vegan.

As always, in our modern world getting ones vegan muts on an alternative to non-vegan foods is pretty darned easy.

Enter Cheezly by Redwood Foods.

Warning, the Redwood website is quite strange and may freeze your browser (like it did to mine!).

I’ll be honest, when I first thought about eating non-vegan cheese I didn’t have the highest expectations. And honestly? Those medium expectations were just about fulfilled.

The reality is that “cheeze” (vegan cheese), will always be a false product. No matter how I try to clothe it, I can’t help but remember that what I’m eating is something processed. Here’s the low-down:

Cons… D:

• The cheese taste isn’t massively strong, and there isn’t any cheese smell to pick up on when you’re preparing it. As such, your senses aren’t hugely tricked.
• When it ‘melts’ it turns into a hunk of gunk. It doesn’t look all that appealing, there isn’t any difference in colour among the melted cheeze and there’s NO way it’s gonna get stretchy.
• If you leave it in a non-airtight container (ie. in your fridge uncovered), it will turn pink in a few days. Disconcerting? You betcha.
• If you cook cheezly in the oven (say, on a pizza), you’ll find the cheeze either disintegrated into the tomato-sauce base or dried-out and browned on the top. Not fantastic, for sure.
• There is a fair amount of saturated fat in most of the Cheezly range, so best it be more of a one-off than a regular to your refrigerador.

Pros!

• Cheezly doesn’t have any cholesterol, trans fat, artificial colours, artificial preservatives, wheat, gluten, genetically-modified ingredients or casein. In a lot of soy products like vegan cheeze and tofu, the original soya can have been genetically-modified. For people like me who outright protest the genetic-modification of plants, this is FANTASTIC.
• Cheezly comes in a wheel, not in plastic slices, so you can do whatever you like with it, which is nice.
• Its consistency when preparing is JUST like cheese. If you grate it too hard it’ll start to crumble a little; if you keep it in your hand for 20 seconds it’ll start to melt a tiny bit.
• All of Redwood’s products are verified by the vegetarian and vegan society, which is a very trust-inducing label.
• The calories in the Cheezly range? AT LEAST HALF that of normal cheeze. That means you can have double!

Ultimately, Cheezly cheeze by Redwood is just about what you should expect: a fake cheese that acts like a fake cheese. If you’re DYING for the taste of cheese then it could very well be an adequate solution, but there’s real doubt in my mind that it’ll ever become a regular for my belly.

I give Cheezly a fair but firm 6.5/10 Stars.

For me? I love a good appliance. A busty blender. An magnificent mixer.

This week: A miniature food processor (“mini chopper”) by the oft-proclaimed master in the kitchen appliance world, Kenwood.

Now first and foremost, I’ve gotta say I was initially DYING to try this out. Not only did we not have any sort of food-processor-type appliance in our kitchen (boo!), but also, being a vegan, I need something that can chop, grind and partially-purée products efficiently. After the Kenwood blender attachment to our big Kenwood mixer station turned out to be, well, a bit ineffective at blending anything but the most water-based of potions, I was having to smush everything up with a hand blender.

Not fun. Especially with tomato-based things (read: TOMATO EVERYWHERE).

So, where was I? Oh yeah. The mini chopper and my epic excitement. Not only was it something I’d been needing for such a long while, it had the sticker pictured right attached to it, too. Considering I’d drop my homosexual trou’ for Delia Smith (below) at any point in the day, I was looking forward to whipping up mini batches of delicious with my new mini chopper.

I wish I could deliver happier news.

My first foray into using it was of lukewarm success. The sauce had been whizzed into an acceptible thickness and my pasta seemed to enjoy its state of liquidity. Unfortunately, this was probably the best I could get out of this little hunk of technology.

On the second use I found the screw-on top of the processor got itself stuck and then, as I went to wash my hands, something suddenly exploded and richocheted off the side of the fridge. After recovering from my sudden “OMGWTFATERRORISTISINTHEHOUSE” reaction, I soon found that the base had somehow screwed itself on too tightly (which is odd, as the screw only has one “track” to go down). The base had chipped and then flung off. Not fantastically inspired by this, but I went on. Everything gets a little broken, right?

On my third attempt, using it seemed to go okay until the blade, which I had under-estimated in uber sharpness, suddenly ripped out a chunk of my thumb. That was a fun, blood-filled night, for sure.

On the fourth and, honestly, most frustrating-of-them-all go, I found the mini chopper battling something which I would’ve thought would be EASY for a food processor, mini or not: herbs. Sadly, the chopper just couldn’t handle them very well and, despite the piercing wails that it produced, my basil and thyme remained unchopped. I was not amused.

And tonight? After a thorough washing from last time’s experience I promptly found a gush of trapped water ruminating in one of its several shafts. After attempting to wash, drain and dry it all out, I’m still pretty sure I’ve just infected myself with some type of fungus.

Arguably, Kenwood’s “Mini Chopper” is living up to the same expectation which we should expect: a small, extremely-sharp bladed, screamingly-loud food processor fit to process very small quantities at a time. The entire contraption seems to have 2 settings built into it: screechingly fast and quiet-screechingly stuck. Frankly, coming from a company which touts itself as being the best in the kitchenware business, its mini food processor leaves a lot to be desired; not to mention, cleaned.

And for that reason I would urge you to purchase a more conventional Kenwood food processor rather than the mini chopper unless you’re prepared to do a lot of awkward drying, put up with something screaming in your kitchen and your herbs to wrap around the blade connector shaft.

It is because of all of this that…

Unimpressed, I give Kenwood’s Mini Chopper a frustrated 3 out of 10

Between devouring hummus and chomping on carrots, there soon comes a point where you long for pizza. And creamy pasta. And, at times, something a little more ‘meaty’.

It’s not that we have any real desire to eat animals or their products; it’s the texture, the taste, the associations.

Now, of course, in this “day and age” finding vegan alternatives to “normal” foods is an easy task for us veganos. But what happens when you want to make something a little more complex and curious, like Black-Bean Burgers, Tofu Florentine or Green-Tea Icecream Sandwiches?

Lucky for us, we have books like Vegan with a Vengeance, Vegan Cupcakes Take Over The World and, my most favourite, Veganomicon.

Now, before I go anywhere, I’ve got to admit to you that I’ve not tried a huge amount of recipes yet.

That’s not to say that the recipes are necessarily long, cumbersome or difficult to produce. Rather, I’m lazy.

What I CAN say is that every. single. recipe. I’ve tried so far has come out FANTASTICALLY.

Like, you know when you recipes and see the pictures and are all like “Yeah, but they had 10 people on hand to help them make it and had all the perfect ingredients and no doubt cooked 3 of the same things and then took a picture”? Well, that’s what I am… with all recipe books, no matter what.

So imagine my SUPREME delight when, on my 6th recipe, even with a couple of Matt-style substitutions (as in, “I prefer the taste of this more even though it won’t go with the recipe”), the food survived!

Time and time again the recipes have come out on top — so much so that my own meat-inhaling dad decided that he wanted some of my ‘funny vegan stuff’. True story.

The fact is that Veganomicon is the most elaborate vegan cookbooks I have ever encountered in my time as a vegan (coming up to 3 years around April). Whilst I wouldn’t necessarily call it ‘exhaustive’, there are easily enough recipes in there to be cooked and adapted to last, quite literally, almost a lifetime.

On the same fantastic vein, if you have any specific deitary requirements such as a soy allergy, gluten intolerance, dislike for fat, or if you only have access to a Plain Jane supermarket, every recipe is counter-marked against if it’s soy-free or can be made under 45 mins. Nifty or what?

Naturally, I have a few grips with any cookbook — Veganomicon is no different.

My biggest gripe had to be the curious style of recipe categorization. Instead of listing the recipes in typical “Breakfast”, “Lunch”, “Dinner” or “Sunday Afternoon Food”, “Finger Food”, “Hearty Meals” format, they instead went for the main ingredient of the dish as the categories. For some people that might be well and good, for me it’s a little bit of an inconvenience. I enjoy being able to use a cookbook in the same way I would use a shop window: to browse what catches my interests. Unfortunately, with Veganomicon, that liberty is somewhat lacking.

Likewise, because Veganomicon is a US-written book, all of its measurements are in cups and ounces. As I currently live in the UK I find it somewhat difficult to judge how much of what I need to put in as I don’t have a set of measuring cups (as they aren’t standard kitchen equipment over here). Consequently, sometimes I ‘eyeball’ how much of an ingredient I need or use mugs to measure. Albeit every recipe has come out beautifully so far, I can’t help but feel a little precarious just chucking in ingredients without knowing how much I’m using.

Overall Veganomicon is a fantastic cookbook which, despite my little gripes, I would warmly recommend to any vegan peeps who don’t already have this sacred tome of vegan deliciousness. It’s expansive, comes with lots of little tips (along with a how-to guide on cooking vegetables and a section on low-fat cooking) and contains a fantastic range of recipes that are so good you would wonder why you ever ate meat in the first place!

I award Veganomicon a vegany 8.5 stars out of 10!

But what?!

I, my friends, have the answer.

This is an Alpen Light bar, and in my humble opinion I have to say that this is the king of all cereal bars.

Three reasons why I love these bars?

1. The sheer variety of flavours! Chocolate and Fudge, Chocolate and Orange, Summer Fruits and Apple and Sultana are just some of them. And they’re ALL yummy.

2. In comparison to Special K Bliss bars, Alpen Light bars have fewer calories, but taste much richer. None of that fake chocolatey taste, they’re seriously tasty, especially the Chocolate and Fudge ones (they’re my favourites). For the record, Special K bars have around 80 or so calories. Alpen Light? 60ish depending on the flavour.

3. In comparison Harvest Morn bars have a similar amount of calories in them… And they aren’t even half as nice. Seriously.

To put it simply, if you’re gonna buy a breakfast bar, make sure it’s an Alpen Light.

Please.

Of course, there are a lot of reasons for and against this dilemma, which is why I often result in drinking just because I can’t decide. (Or does this mean I have decided?… How confusing.)

So, although it sounds a lot like someone at alcoholics anonymous would does, I’ve decided to weight up the pros and cons of drinking on December 25th.

Pros.

• Getting merry from a lager with your friends is always fun. As long as it doesn’t end in fighting.
• Being drunk makes charades even funnier.
• Your family suddenly seem like the most interesting people in the world.
• Singing Christmas carols while drunk. Need I say more?

Cons.

• Stumbling and tumbling can lead to breakage of gifts, decorations and body parts. Not good.
• Hangover on boxing day. Less than pleasant.
• If you’re one of those types who forgets everything that happened when drunk, then that’s a whole Christmas you’ve forgotten.
• Being drunk can lead to scatty-ness. Scatty-ness can lead to forgetting to take the turkey out of the oven.

I could probably come up with a hundred more reasons why you should/shouldn’t drink on Christmas day, but I’ll probably still do it.

What about you? Will you be drinking today?

Whatever you do, remember to drink responsibly.

Anyway, this week I sampled celebrity chef Marco Pierre White’s (very expensive!) soup.

There was large variety of fancy soup flavours, but in the end, I went for Moroccan Tomato and Chickpea.

Utter yum.

Why did I choose this? No idea. I like chickpeas and tomato soup is a fail-safe choice, so that’s what I went for.

Deep orange in colour and laced with peppers and basil, the soup didn’t let me down.

Now I am a soup fan – it’s possibly one of the best foods ever, especially because it’s easy to make. But this soup was a cut above.

Good points about the soup-y goodness:

• Tastes much more exotic and different than any other tomato soup.
• Thick soups are really filling.
• You can just warm this soup in the microwave, mess free!

Bad points:

• Makes your breath smell pretty bad afterwards, I’d imagine.
• Washing up the bowl afterwards is pretty gross, ’cause the colour is very strange.

I’d buy it anyway, in spite of the bad points. It does cost between £2 and £3 for one tub, but I’d say it was worth it.

I don’t really like tofu all that much.

Sure, it can be okay if you do it nicely, and it can go with some things. But usually? It suffers from blandular fever, and before I know it, I’ve got two slices of bread with one big slab of moderately tasteless blah in the middle.

I’m sure you can imagine: not nice!

When I was out getting the old grocerios the other day, I noticed in the vegan/vegetarian section of my local supermarket that they had this new type of tofu from my favourite EVER tofu-product makers, Taifun!

This new tofu product? Their wonderful ‘smoked sesame and almond tofu‘, pictured to the right.

Obviously, I just had to try it out. And I’ll be honest here, I had my reservations. I’ve tried tofu products like these before, and really? They usually suck. Big time.

So, with trepidation, I put Taifun’s magic tofu to the test and tried a basic ‘fry and sandwich’. I was impressed. Here’s what I found:

Pros

• The flavour was perfect, and didn’t overpower (or randomly disappear mid-chew) me whatsoever, unlike a lot of other meat analogue products.
• It’s organic, so I feel a lot better for putting it into my belly.
• The company is independent, so buying it from them also made me feel pretty good about myself.
• Even though it’s made of tofu, I couldn’t detect much of the usual ‘tofu’ consistency, which was nice.
• As it’s smoked, there’s a certain ‘meat’ sense about the whole thing, which makes it great for a heartier sandwich
• Their smoked sesame and almond tofu only has 8 ingredients, discounting water. And I can find all but one in a supermarket if I wanted to.
• Per 100g there are only 185 calories (and 18.8g of protein)! For something with sesame seeds and almonds in, I’m very much impressed. Albeit the fat content is a little high (10.7g of fat per 100g), I know that this fat is NOT trans or saturated fat.

Cons

• Albeit the product was nice, but getting it out felt a bit nasty as some liquid ‘residue’ is left in the packet. A couple of times (because I had to, uhm, retest it… ;D ) this liquid spilled on the floor and needed quick cleaning up.
• Because of this water content, frying it can become a nightmare. I mean, when did you last put oil and water in a pan and enjoy it? Trust me. Not fun for a perhaps more inexperienced-with-spitting-fat cook.
• I can’t remember the exact price, but I remember that it was easily above a couple of pounds. The one listed here (my favourite online wholefood retailer) sells it at £2.99. That’s not exactly cheap for 200 grams of tofu.

Ultimately, I really, really enjoyed Taifun’s delicious tofu product, and I’ll easily be going back for more. Though the price is a little steep, I think it’s well deserved as the product itself is high quality, tastes delicous and works perfectly in a sandwich on a crisp winter’s day.

Sopho, Matt and Lauren (that’s us!) recently ventured out together for a coffee trip, not expecting much, other than a little quiet time away from the Wiggle. There was no reason why we chose this particular coffee shop, it was simply the first one we came to. Also, the fact that Onion despises any big corporations (Starbucks, McDonald’s, Caffé Nero) ended up in us going for the more independent coffee chain.

This post comes in three categories: Food & Drink, Décor and the Staff, which consists of one single little man, who runs the whole show.

Food and Drink

The most important part of a coffee shop is obviously what is available to drink. And snacks come a close second.

The coffee at Muse is strong – just the way I like it. Add sugar if you don’t. Some advice for you there. I also tried a sip of Sopho’s fancy flavoured Gingerbread latté, which was extreeeeemely sweet, but tasted like Christmas. (The sweetness could be down to the six tubes of sugar she put in there.)

There’s even something for your vegan friends; Matt settled for some black tea, which was supposed to be peppermint.

The food consisted mainly of sugary, fattening cakes and sweets. I like that. For someone with a sweet tooth, it was like heaven. They had a selection of the cutest cupcakes I had ever seen, decorated with pink icing and stars, or yellow icing and jelly tots. Just beautiful. I went for a flapjack. Which was, by the way, the BEST flapjack I have ever eaten. It was gooey, syrupy and I didn’t actually want to finish eating it because it was so good.

Lauren gives the food & drink a 5 out of 5.

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Décor.

Now, I guess I have to half agree with Lauren that if you’re going to a coffee shop then the food and drink is pretty damn important. But would you really want to sit and drink your Cappucino in squallor? No. No matter how good it might taste.

Ideally situated opposite to the new Nottingham Contemporary, this coffee shop is artistic in it’s own right. The big black boards behind the counter made it easy to choose what to order,  but the cute little drawings remind you that you’re not in some big corporate business.  Although the little round tables and the high ‘breakfast bar’ style seating looked comfortable enough (and all enabled you to use WiFi on your laptop), we were really drawn to the two leather sofas by the counter.

Now,  I know it’s only November, and I’m usually against Christmas decorations being up early, but next to these sofas was the cutest Christmas tree I’ve ever seen. Apart from making me smile as soon as I saw it, this little tree made the fwhole place feel indescribably cosy, without being so much that I felt it was December the 25th already. Overall, I’d say that there are very few places I’d rather spend a Saturday afternoon than this cute little coffee shop with a shower in the toilets.

Sopho gives the décor a well deserved 5 out of 5.

The Staff

Upon entering the Muse coffee shop and becoming overwhelmed with its chique environment, my eyes soon found focus on the single member of staff in the place.

This man, whose name I do not know (and after sweeping over a google search, I couldn’t find), was initially a very pleasant sight.

Being a man-lover and everything, I was initally very much drawn to his attractive (yet politely restrained) facial hair and his young looks. He seemed like just the type of person I’d like to be served by in a coffee shop.

That is, I would’ve loved to have been served by him if there were OTHER STAFF in the place.

Because within about 30 seconds, the problem of having only one person staffing everything fell quickly into place. And unfortunately for Muse, the looks couldn’t make up for the inherent problems encountered.

At the time, there was a small group of us at the counter. Plus a man who had just come in with his wife. There were a number of orders taking place, and whilst we all watched absently, he frantically dodged around the ‘cosy’ preparation area.

Whilst the ‘homely’ feeling remained by having just one member of staff — and no doubt the kitchen-y section would’ve become very cramped with another person in there — there was still a sense of, hmm, dangerous speed.

And by dangerous, I mean ‘you better take my order right, god dammit’.

Which he didn’t. Slightly surprising, because, as I recall, our brief exchange went as follows:

“Tea, yeah?”

“Yeah. Herbal tea. Peppermint.”

And I got regular, milk-free, sugared black tea.

Which I don’t drink.

And promptly gave to a friend. Who also disliked it. Hmm.

Though, sure, the taste of the nasty black tea wasn’t his fault, receiving it was.

And sure. I could’ve quickly told him that my order was wrong and for him to change it. But with him continuing to bounce off the walls of this tiny little preparation area, a part of me felt anxious to stop him to ask to give me what I actually asked for. His speed was… strangely, dominating.

Albeit, he was friendly enough. And his looks did indeed buffer him from a real markdown on the place.

But honestly? I don’t think I’ll ever return.

In the owner/runner’s defence, after looking at their new twitter stream it would appear that muse is new, so I do sympathise with the inevitable problem of not having any other staff yet. So, in fairness his getting-wrong-of-my-order can be slightly excused.

Matt gives the runner of the whole show a 2.5 out of 5.

The other day, as my madre and I were strolling down the aisles in our local supermarket, I decided I wanted some oatcakes.

I know.  Oatcakes, I imagine, aren’t exactly the type of thing which springs to your mind often.   But they did.  I wanted some.  And so I investigated.

As I began to wander down the aisle containing savoury biscuits and the such, I immediately walked past the oatcakes.  And then, in true me form, I reversed like a car back to the oatcakes.  I’m a little weird.

Anyway.

I was looking at these oatcakes, and eyeing up whether or not I was truly, really in need of buying oatcakes.  Even a crazy like me knows that oatcakes can be a bit lethal.

As in, OH MY GOD CRUMBS EVERYWHERE lethal.

As in, MY POOP HURTS BECAUSE OF THE OATCAKES lethal.

But for some unknown reason, I just had to get some.  It was my one need at the time.  Well, beyond scoping for cute guys watching my mum so she doesn’t walk too far away and never returns making sure I get the right price, so as not to buy the most amazing oatcakes in the world.  Sure.  Oatcakes were needed.  Destroying finances was not.   Also, neither was agar agar.  You know?  Those random flakes of seaweed stuff that makes everything gel up?  Every time I see them I’m just like, “MUST BUY AGAR AGAR”.  It must be something to do with the name.

So anyway, as I was looking at these oatcakes I suddenly realised something odd about them.  See if you can guess what it is.

(sorry for the blur)

Did you guess it? I doubt you did, but that’s okay. I’ll enlighten you.

Notice the word ‘Scottish’?  So what’s THAT about?

And then I realised.  That word — Scottish — is 100% superlative.  There is abslutely no need for it to exist.

“But Matt, it might have been cooked in a Scottish way!”

I’d agree, apart from the fact that the other, non-organic version of these same oatcakes were the exact same, except for the word ‘Scottish’.

“But Matt, oats are from Scotland!”

Uhm.  ‘fraid not.  Oats are from the Middle East.

Quite obviously, as being Scottish is apparently associated with strength, vigour and hardiness, that by these oatcakes being ‘Scottish’, they would no doubt grant me the same powers of fortitude.

Unfortunately, these very confused oatcakes have yet to provide any such benefit whasoever.

I mean, I’m all for marketing.  But when you start to make products all confused and crazy with words that don’t make any sense or fit anywhere?

That’s where I draw the line.

(Also, did you notice how the little thing says “Our organic biscuits are baked with organic ingredients”?   Heh.  No organic shit, sherlock.)

That’s right, the canteen pretty much serves up only fatty food, making me, consequently, look like a fatty myself. I’m pretty sure there’ll be many more ‘food & drink’ posts coming from me, because I just love food.

Anyway, back to the sausage rolls. The ones from the canteen are simply the best.

The pastry is always crisp, with a soft centre – a perfect combination. The sausage itself is just luscious and it always seems that the temperature of the snack is juuuust right. Pretty much like Baby Bear’s porridge.

However, there is one revelation about this epic sausage roll.

It is, in fact, not a sausage at all. WHAT?!

It is common knowledge within the cafeteria that the ’sausage’ rolls are actually vegetarian. I guess this means they’re made out of some sort of fungus created tofu. When you look at the sausage ‘meat’, it is quite obvious that it is not real sausage, as it is basically a layer of mushy pink foam.

The real surprise is how much this Quorn (?) tastes like the real deal. Real quality pork from the butcher’s kind of real. It could be argued that it tastes better than the real deal.

It really is like watching a carnivore being told he just ate tofu. If you ate it with a blindfold, you’d never know the difference! So if you want to try this little gem that I speak of so highly, come to my house. I’m stashing them under my electric blanket.