For the purposes of this ‘re-naming the episodes’ gig, I’m going to go a little softer on the rock ‘n’ roll vibe and stick with Guns ‘n’ Roses’ ‘Sweet Child O’ Mine’.

Why? Because this week’s episode was all about everyone wanting babies.

Seriously. We have Callie swooning for a baby, Derek bringing up the idea of babies to Meredith, Bailey thinking about her little boy pronouncing his words correctly and even Alex’s little brother comes to town. Nice links there, Shonda.

Surgery of the Week.

Just had to go for Yang firing a bullet into a patient’s chest.

Resident army experts Teddy and Owen tell the gang that the bullets they’re dealing with are called ‘Devastators’ and Yang moves one too quickly, not knowing that this could cause one to be fired.

The patients lives, but Owen fumes. Teddy however, is more sympathetic with Cristina, telling her that they just forget sometimes that they’re all ‘civilians’. Yeah, super clever civilians who save lives.

Romantic Moment of the Week.

Uhhhhh… Romance?

Yeah let’s skip that one this week. Far too tense for any romance, aside from a few pecks between MerDer and a little tiny sexy scene between Mark and Teddy.

Bailey Moment of the Week.

Bailey becomes, just for a moment, maternal.

Now I’m not a baby person, but watching Bailey talk about how proud you can feel when a little person you created yourself, whether that creation was intentional or not, does something new, it made me a baby person.

Bailey made me a baby person. And if you know me, you know I’m pretty much like Yang: NOT A BABY PERSON. Okay, I’m going to stop putting those 2 words together now.

Quote of the Week.

After Arizona comes into the cafeteria whilst Mark & Callie are having a chat to pick up some pound cake, a little bit of hilarious dialogue comes about.

Mark: So, what exactly constitutes “pound cake?”
Callie: It’s a yellow cake. Kinda heavy.
Mark: C’mon, it’s code for something dirty. You eat her pound cake, she eats your pound cake…
Callie: No.
Mark: Oh please. Tell me it’s dirty because otherwise, that was the most boring conversation I’ve ever been a part of.
Callie: We are talking about pound cake because I want a kid and she doesn’t. And we are not talking about that.

I love the way Mark’s mind works.

Overall Episode Rating: 7.5 out of 10.

Nothing overwhelmingly dramatic or significant went on this week, but it was a neat, tidy and nicely filmed episode. Bravo.

This week, we’re calling it ‘Just Another Soldier’. It was all about Owen and his army days.

Surgery of the Week.

Not a surgery, per se, but it was courageous nonetheless.

Here we saw Hunt’s friend from the army involved in a serious explosion. He begins to bleed out from the neck, but naturally, Hunt finds something to stem the flow.

Then, he saves his friend’s arm that was previously stuck under what was either a truck or just a huge hunk of metal. He did it all perfectly and without hesitation, only to realize that help isn’t coming. Help doesn’t come and Hunt is forced to removed the material from his friend’s neck.

Romantic Moment of the Week.

This week’s romance wasn’t obviously romantic, but it was when you look deeper into it.

Every bit of the Teddy/Owen action this week was pretty romantic, and it finally gave us insight into their lives pre-Seattle Grace.

From beating the others at soccer to performing rapid surgery in the field, these 2 really have a lot of romance behind them. When Teddy finally comes to help Owen, she’s too late, but the relief in her eyes tell all: Owen’s alive and that’s all that matters to her.

Aww.

Bailey Moment of the Week.

This week saw Webber trying to get with the cool kids: Mark, Callie, Arizona and Owen. However, he fails.

Quite hilariously, he sets Bailey up for a classic set of dialogue, whilst trying to be ‘cool’ during Bailey’s surgery.

Richard: If I wasn’t happily married, I’d hit her. I’d hit her hard.

Alex: Sir, I think what you wanted to say was “hit that.”

Bailey: [from behind] I don’t think you wanted to say that at all.

Ahh, Bailey. To quote Dara Nai: “Bailey is like found money. Whenever she appears, it just makes your day.”

Quote of the Week.

Seriously, is Arizona the cutest person ever?

Arizona: Oh my God, you’re breaking up with me. Mark. Is it Mark? Are you sleeping with Mark again? Are you one of those fake lesbians just having a va-va-vacation in Lesbianland?

Bless her. She even make stuttering hot. And Capshaw’s deliverance of this line is pretty much perfect.

Oh, how I love it when Arizona rambles.

Overall Episode Rating: 6.5 out of 10.

(I actually quite enjoyed the past coming to light on Teddy and Owen, but I don’t think it was enough to carry the whole episode. Plus, things are looking pretty grim for the show’s golden couple, Callie & Arizona.)

Don’t worry though, Skins has already been picked up again for 2 more seasons. Good times. With a new cast. Sad times.

Anyway…

At the beginning of the end, we see Thomas running. Not sure how this is at all relevant, but apparently it is. Next thing we know, we flash to Mrs. and Mrs. Campbell’s house, where Cook is screwing some random chick. We’ll talk about her more later.

In the next room, Emily wakes up. She rolls over, only to find that it’s not Naomi she’s lying next to. It’s Mandy. Yep, Mandy, the big ‘giant non-Naomi’ whom Naomily fans despise so much. In a hilarious moment, Emily stands up, looks at Mandy and… she sniffs her fingers. HILARE.

Round at the McClair’s house, Freddie’s (RIP) sister Karen is wondering where her brother is. Little does she know he’s been beaten to death by a weird psychiatric freak. And apparently, Katie has gone to visit Effy in hospital. Next thing we know, Pandora is bouncing towards them on a bright orange space hopper and she clambers through Effy’s window. Panda at her best, of course.

Back at Naomi’s, the home owner walks in on Emily and Mandy. Mandy is still asleep, but Naomi denies what she is seeing and tells Emily she is going to cook her breakfast and they can read Heat magazine together. Deary me… Downstairs, Cook is also in denial. He’s with his ‘friend’ Arcia, who looks a lot like Effy. Yeah, ARCIA. Naomi finds this hilarious.

Back on the top floor, Mandy kisses Emily. She pulls away, thank God. Then, Karen turns up to find Freddie, followed by Thomas. Meanwhile, Katie has hatched a plan to make Pandora jealous. She asks Thomas to give her French lessons which will make Panda come crawling back.

Inside the house, Naomi is getting trashed (yet again.) In a state of intoxication, she calls Arcia ‘Effy’ and Cook finally realizes that she is practically her doppleganger and kicks her out. Outside, Karen gives Cook a book of Freddie’s, which is filled with the words ‘I love you’ over and over again. Cook cries when he realizes that something isn’t right.

Alone with Naomi, Mandy tells her that if she doesn’t want Emily, she will gladly take her off her hands. Naomi previously thought Mandy was straight, so Mandy kisses her, to confirm her lesbianism. Naomi slaps Mandy (YES!) and she leaves. And surprise! Emily cries. Again.

Pandora overhears Thomas and Katie’s French lesson. Secretly, she understand every word. Panda took some exams without telling anyone, and this involved getting an A* in French. Katie accidentally kisses Thomas after she realizes she fancies him. However, she also knows that Thomas still loves Panda and curses herself for doing such a foolish thing.

Finally, it’s the next day. Emily tells Naomi she loves her, but Naomi is having none of it. She tells her to stop lying and that her Mum is coming home soon, so Em should probably leave.

In the next room, lying next to a snoring, farting Katie, Cook finds the words ‘John Foster wants to hurt her’ scribbled in Freddie’s book. Things start to click. However, the police turn up. Pandora runs upstairs to warn Cook and he escapes out of the bedroom window with Freddie’s book. The police break in to Naomi’s house and ransack the place.

Thomas is spotted by some random personal trainer who thinks he is a good enough runner to get him a sports scholarship at a top University.

Cook meanwhile has fled to Freddie’s shed and Effy is already there. He gives Freddie’s book to her. JJ and Pandora arrive shortly after and Panda breaks the news that she took extra A levels and will be moving to Harvard. Similarly, Naomi tells her Mum on the phone that she’s accepted a place at Goldsmith’s, but she doesn’t confirm whether or not she’ll be going.

Back at the shed, Cook, JJ and Karen take part in a Kylie Minogue dance-a-thon and Effy decides to make it a party in honour ofFreddie’s birthday and invites the rest of the gang. Naomi’s having a party for one though – she curls up naked with one of Emily’s shirts and cries.

In a moment of pure devotion to her lover, Naomi goes to Freddie’s shed. She explains to Emily why she did what she did and how she’d actually die for her. Emily forgives her and they kiss. Yay! The gang proceed to have an epic party.

Once they are alone, Thomas tells Pandora he is going to Harvard. Panda smiles and holds his hand, but she doesn’t tell Thomas that that’s where she’s going too.

Whilst taking a piss in the garden, Cook hears something rustling in the bushes. It’s John Foster. He follows him home and finds Freddie’s clothes covered in blood in his living room. Cook confronts Foster, who thinks he is ‘nothing’. Finally, Cook shouts ‘I AM COOK!’ for one last time.

And that is the end.

See you next year!

Push. Push? Ehh, another title I don’t understand.

Look at Webber, looking all happy with himself. Yep, he’s happy ’cause Shepherd chose his surgical methods over Hunt’s. Well DUH, the black man always beats the ginger. (No form of ginger racism intended there, by the way, it was just a joke relating to something Webber said in the episode!)

Surgery of the Week.

Not a surgery as such, but this week, Callie made cartilage.

I’m not sure if this is a wholly new discovery or something, but the way in which Callie reacts is pretty much like it’s something that’s never happened before.

And to be honest, making cartilage? Surely that is the work of a genius.

Romantic Moment of the Week.

Not heavy on the romance this week. So I’ll go with a moment that started out romantic and slowly declined into a time of sadness.

Callie & Arizona decide they’re the golden couple at Seattle Grace right now. Which they pretty much are, as we don’t seem to see MerDer an awful lot because of Pompeo’s real life pregnancy.

This is also followed up with the dialogue:

Arizona: You’re amazing.

Callie: We’re amazing.

I mean, that’s romantic in itself, right? Nothing like romance over some newly made cartilage…

Of course, this descends into the unhappiness when Arizona tells Callie she doesn’t want kids. And she doesn’t notice that Callie is actually devastated. Oh dear. We’ll see what happens there.

Bailey Moment of the Week.

Bailey gives in to the cute anaesthesiologist.

Yep, it seems that Bailey finally has a new love interest since her divorce.

Throughout the episode, she was determined that they would not have sex. But the end of the last scene contained some steamy kisses, which looked like they were going somewhere to me…

Quote of the Week.

Again, Bailey wins here.

She gives one of her hilarious speeches to Callie. The Bailey/Callie relationship is actually pretty funny, if you ask me.

Let me tell you a little somethin’ about my ’surgical field’, okay? I prep my surgical field with soap and water. I keep my surgical field the way God made it. I don’t need a member of the Ukrainian KGB waxing it smooth so that it can be mistaken for the surgical field of a 5 year old girl. I am a woman. And a woman is meant to have something on her surgical field. If a man can’t deal with a little somethin’ on the surgical field, a little nature, a little God, then that man has no business getting near my surgical field.

And after that monologue, Callie simply states “Fine! I’m not putting a gun to your head!”

Big lol. Points to anyone who can work out what ’surgical field’ is a euphemism for.

Overall Episode Rating: 9 out of 10. I really enjoyed this week’s episode. Way more than I enjoyed this week’s ‘Skins’ episode. Awesomesauce.

There’s no Grey’s this week (bummer!) so there’ll obviously be no recap until next week.

And from what we see in episode 6, he’s a beast in the sack. But we’ll get onto that shortly…

At the beginning of his episode, JJ looks like he’s got a new job; he and Thomas are working in a sweet factory. Could there be a better job? Anyway, there’s this girl called Lara. JJ fancies her likes crazy and Thomas thinks she’s a little dishy too. Of course, JJ being JJ, he’s too scared to do anything about his little crush.

Thomas, in a bid to get JJ to ask Lara out, races to the office upstairs, claiming that if JJ doesn’t ask her out right now, Thomas will. JJ not knowing what else to do grabs the store announcer microphone, saying “Would you like to go out with me tonight?” as quickly as he can. Unexpectedly, Lara says yes. And in JJ’s words: Operation Lara is go.

Back at his house, JJ has a visitor. At first, he thinks it’s just Freddie with a huge bagful of homework, but when JJ’s Mother is out of earshot, he reveals that it’s actually Cook in the bag. JJ is shocked and faints at the sight of his prisoner friend.

Cook, not having had a shower in days, does so immediately. And right in front of JJ. JJ explains his worries over tonight’s dinner with Lara, and Cook being the Casanova (he thinks) he is gives him 3 tips: be cool, touch her and look at her pupils.

Breaking the ‘be cool’ rule straight away, JJ is 2 hours early for his date. Lara, dressed only in her dressing gown, invites him inside to ’show him something’. It’s not what you expect because… Lara has a baby! Yeah, you all thought she was making sexual advances, but it turns out she popped a baby out some time again. JJ is shocked (again), but shows little Albert some magic tricks while Lara gets ready.

Then, Lara’s ex-boyfriend – and also Albert’s Daddy – bursts through the front door. He threatens JJ, telling him that if he touches Lara or Albert, he will break him. Lara finishes getting ready, and they go out to the pub.

JJ is far too nervous (Cook’s rules just aren’t working for him!) and manages to spit in Lara’s face after inadvertently drinking Lara’s vodka and coke. While they are there, he also bumps into Emily who is with her ‘friend’ Mandy. JJ smells something fishy… But in a desperate attempt to not make the night any more worse, he heads to the bathroom. To sneak out of the window, obviously.

Of course, things only get worse for our resident geek. Lara walks through the door and catches JJ making his escape. He’s also in the ladies toilets. Woops.

Lara leaves in anger. JJ heads home, but on the way, he sees Lara sat on a bench outside thinking to herself. He sits down next to her and tells her that he really likes her. She explains that she thinks she’d like him too – if he didn’t try so hard. JJ starts to loosen up and they kiss. A lot.

Going against the words of Lara’s ex, Liam, JJ proceeds to have lots and lots of sex with Lara in her house. (Props should go to Ollie Barbieri for this scene by the way. It was perfect.)

The next day, JJ and his Mother visit the psychologist. Although JJ explains to his Mum that he has a girlfriend, she doesn’t believe him. His Doctor goes on to tell JJ that he doesn’t think he should ‘over-stimulate himself’ with a girl. Annoyed that no-one will believe in him, JJ lashes out after storming out of the hospital. And who should be there but Liam?

Liam sees the whole thing as JJ lashes out, pulling up plants from the outside of the clinic. He tells JJ that he’s going to tell Lara that he’s a psycho.

JJ tells Lara that he wants her to meet some of his friends, so what better place to take them than the ‘house of fun’? Whose house is that, you ask? Well, Naomi and Emily’s, of course. But any regular Skins fan will know that this couple are far from happy. The atmosphere is intense, and Naomily don’t know how to react around the baby.

Emily beckons JJ to go upstairs with her after he nearly blurts out that he saw Emily with Mandy in the pub the day before. Emily, trying to be a good friend, tells him that she thinks that Lara is using him because she has a child. JJ tells her that he trusts Lara, and that Emily should start to think about trust herself and it wouldn’t make anything better if she was cheating on Naomi. JJ leaves (yep, he’s grown a pair of balls) and Emily bawls her eyes out as she realizes yet again that her relationship is a mess.

JJ & Lara move on to visit his parents. They are shocked to see that she has a baby, and JJ’s Mother accidentally calls her a slut. Slip of the tongue, I guess. Lara says that she needs the bathroom, but when she realizes that it’s locked, she calls JJ.

Suddenly, JJ remembers something: Cook is hiding upstairs. JJ urges his Mother and Lara that they don’t need to go in the bathroom. After he freaks out, Lara leaves. JJ tells Cook to open the door and his Mum tells him he has to leave. Cook consoles JJ before leaving though, and explains he’ll have to go to Naomi’s because he’s running out of places to hide.

The next day, JJ goes to work to apologize to Lara, but meets Liam first. He lashes out on Liam, punching him in the face, and Lara sees the whole thing. She ends it on the intercom before things got any worse.

JJ returns home and gets a lovely talking to by his Father. He tells JJ that he liked the fact that he was clever and different from the other kids. JJ gets a sudden confidence boost and comes up with a new way of getting Lara back. While out walking, JJ also meets Liam, who has realized that JJ doesn’t want to be Albert’s new Dad and gives them his blessing.

While Lara is asleep, JJ throws his shoe at her bedroom window. She comes to the window, in a cheesy teen flick way, and there’s JJ out in the cold. Not alone though. JJ is with a band of ukulele players, complete with a ukulele himself, and a large banner that reads ‘Sorry for being a knob jockey.’

After serenading Lara with a sterling uke version of ‘True’ by Spandau Ballet, Lara runs downstairs and kisses him. Again, in a cheesy teen flick kinda way.

Next Week: It’s the second to last episode and we’re back to crazy Effy. But what’s to become of her? And does anyone wish there was more Pandora and Katie in this series?

I found this odd, because he’s usually a bit dull… Okay, he’s a LOT dull. (Excuse my poor grammar.)

At the very opening, we see Freddie and Effy creating a homemade bong in the kitchen of Effy’s house. Everything seems fine and dandy and the next morning, Freddie goes home and is bombarded by sister Karen who just wants to ‘cut his fucking hair!’ (Because she’s a training beautician, not because she’s gone all psycho on him.)

Freddie proceeds to college, where Mr. Love (played by Will Young) orders that he gets his history coursework handed in by Monday or he will be expelled. Just as Cook and Thomas already have been. Are we noticing a pattern here? If you’re an American, or indeed simply not British, you won’t understand the subtle references to Will Young’s real life, but for anyone who has heard Young’s music, you will find this scene deeply entertaining.

Heading back to the love nest, Freddie finds Effy sat on her Mother’s bed cutting up newspapers of death and destruction. She keeps preaching to him that ‘the end is nigh’ and Freddie realizes he has no idea what she’s taken.

While Effy sleeps, Freddie decides to make an effort at pleasing Mr. Love and attempts to make a start on his coursework. He soons realizes that mixing cannabis and crack with coursework does not work and gives up easily.

Effy desperately explains to Freddie that she ‘can’t stand the love’ and she pushes him away.

The next day, Freddie goes to the school counsellor for advice. However, it turns out that Josie isn’t in today and in her place is Mr. Love. Oh, the joy. Freddie confides in him nonetheless, but Love explains that he doesn’t know what to suggest in this case.

In an act of desperation, Freddie runs to  the only other person he thinks can help: his Grandad. It is revealed that Freddie’s Mother committed suicide in similar circumstances to Effy and he doesn’t want to be blamed if Effy kills herself. His Grandad says, rather wisely, ‘do what you can’.

Back at Effy’s house, she’s throwing a house party. Pandora plays it hot and cold with Thomas – she slaps him, kisses him and then leaves. Katie and JJ look on in confusion and Freddie walks through the door even more confused. He goes on the hunt for Effy and finds her lying on the floor by her bed. She tells him she’s convinced that something bad is going to happen and that she doesn’t want anyone in her house anymore. Freddie reassures her that he is not going anywhere, but he will get rid of everyone else for her.

There is one person he was not betting on seeing, however. When he strolls into the kitchen, who should be there but our favourite convict Cook?  He tells Freddie that he’s escaped from prison, but when he sees Effy, he knows something’s wrong. Effy screams at him to get out of her house, so Freddie tells him to go sleep in their shed.

Freddie goes home and tells Cook that everything is fine, but Cook isn’t convinced. When he enters the house, Freddie takes it out on his Father and blames him for his Mother’s death. Ouch.

Seeing that she is in a state, Freddie lovingly gives Effy a bath. Funny, that – last series, her Mother had to bathe her. She really is a fuck up.

Nevertheless, Freddie attempts to cheer her up by taking her out for some fresh air. It’s only a matter of time before Effy begins to trip out and they have to cycle home. Before they can get in however, they see Effy’s Mum Anthea outside talking to a policewoman, so Freddie turns round in panic.

Unbeknown to him, there’s a street carnival going off nextdoor and Freddie cycles Effy right into the middle of it.

They get caught up and Freddie and Effy lose each other. Symbolism, maybe? Effy looks up and sees Katie dressed as an angel for the carnival. Seems that she is her fairy-Godmother, as Katie reunites Freffy as quickly as she can.

Not knowing what else to do, Freddie and Katie take Effy to his Grandad’s. Freddie tells him that he won’t let another person he loves kill themselves. Things take another turn for the worst when Katie runs in, claiming that Effy won’t come out of the bathroom. Freddie kicks the door down and finds a collapsed Effy on the floor: she has slit her wrists in desperation.

It turns out that Effy is okay, but they are all shaken when they see her in hospital. As Freddie sits by her bedside, she wakes up. Rather than saying thankyou for saving her, she tells him to get out. Freddie weeps and leaves as quickly as he can – he can’t take it anymore.

He goes home, ripping down the death collage that Effy created before. Starting a bonfire in the garden, Freddie burns all of the paper from the collage and begins to burn his own hand.

Fairy-Godmother number 2 comes to his rescue: Cookie. He tells Freddie that he can’t do this to himself and to stop thinking about the future. “Fuck the future” are his exact words, and he tells him that there’s only today. Freddie cries like a baby after all the crap he’s just had to endure and Cook holds him like a true friend, explaining that it’ll all be okay.

How very dramatic.

Next Week: JJ. It seems that he (finally) gets a girl! But is it too good to be true? Does she really like JJ, or is she with him for some other reason?

This episode saw flashbacks of 3 of our favourite surgeons: Miranda Bailey, Richard Webber and Callie Torres. I thought Torres was a bit of a strange choice because she’s not as high profile as the other two, but it worked anyway. Check out 90s Bailey:

Quite hilariously, she went by the name of ‘Mandy’ back then.

Surgery of the Week.

I would say surgery of the week, but it’s really surgery from 5 years ago.

That’s right, we see Callie operate on what I think is a victim of severe polio. I mean really severe. Check out the picture!

Anyway, Callie reforms the bones in this guy’s legs in order for him to walk again. It’s a real tear-jerker. And shows the talent of the surgeons at Seattle Grace.

Romantic Moment of the Week.

Again, more of a sexual moment, but still it was pretty romantic.

Yep, that’s a young Ellis Grey and an even younger Richard Webber getting it on in the on call room. Of course, the pair were cheating on their partners during this time, but it is obvious now why they couldn’t keep their hands off each other. This was a pretty great part to the story.

Bailey Moment of the Week.

Turns out Bailey wasn’t always a hard ass.

That’s right, as an intern, ‘Mandy’ let her resident surgeon walk all over her. Until this moment, anyway.

Bailey took it upon herself to find the real diagnosis for one of her resident’s patients, lashing out at her because she did not do her best to treat her patient. Webber witnesses the whole thing and takes her into his office to tell her what a fine surgeon she will become. Don’t we know it?!

Quote of the Week.

I don’t want to bore you with the details of the quote this week. Because basically, the quote of the week is the Hippocratic oath.

I’ll give you an extract:

I swear to fulfill, to the best of my ability and judgment, this covenant:

I will respect the hard-won scientific gains of those physicians in whose steps I walk, and gladly share such knowledge as is mine with those who are to follow.

Etc… etc…

The oath was recited by (current day) Webber to the rest of the surgeons at Seattle Grace, leaving us all feeling proud to be surgeons. Even though we’re not. But whatever.

Overall Episode Rating: 8 out of 10. Loved the flashbacks this week and Sara Ramirez looked stunning. One of the best episodes in a while.

Well this time, it’s a different story. Katie has her own episode, and boy does she have a lot to take on.

At the beginning, we get a glimpse of Katie at her best – dressed up to the nines, face caked in make up wearing her best pearls. Turns out, Katie is getting ready for work at her Mother’s bridal service ‘Let’s Get Fitched’. Geddit?

We follow the pair to work and see that we have a footballer’s wife wedding on our hands. She reminds Katie that she wants to see her at the hen party, with the ever classy theme ’sluts and studs’.

Katie goes on to visit the Doctors to see what’s wrong with her periods. The Doctor tells her that she isn’t pregnant, but rather that she is undergoing ‘premature menopause’. She fails to see the bad side of this at first, but when she is informed that she’ll never have children, Katie is clearly distraught.

She leaves the surgery, telling her boyfriend that he can ‘pretty much fuck off now’. Yep, that’s right, she dumped him. You can do better elsewhere, love.

On her return home, her Mother Jenna has discovered that Katie’s Dad has been hiding bills for months and that the Fitch family have no money whatsoever. Jenna loses it and starts a shout-fest, leaving Katie to console her little brother.

In an attempt to make her day a little bit better, Katie dresses up in her best slut-wear for the hen party. However, her plans don’t go… well, to plan. The WAGs have changed the theme to ‘footballer’s wives’ without informing Katie. Whatever, she still looks hot.

Things get even worse when she sees Effy and Freddie at the party. One of the bitches from the party humiliates Katie. Join me when I say ‘OH NO SHE DIDN’T!’ Katie storms onto the dancefloor like a true Fitch, gives the bitch a massive smack in the face and gives her a nose bleed. This obviously results in Katie getting sacked from the wedding planning job, and she leaves.

Effy spots Katie outside near the lake. The pair talk about love and Effy explains that it’s not as great as she thought it would be.

The next morning Katie goes back home, greeted only by the bailiffs – the Fitch family are homeless. Mr. Fitch holds the men off for a while so that the others can grab a few of their belongings. In true comedy style, they run for the car with their stuff, right behind the bailiffs’ backs.

So that’s it, the Fitch clan have nothing. Or do they?

In a desperate state, Katie asks Naomi if she and her family can move in for a while. Naomi is obviously a bit hesitant at first, but she caves in when she realizes that Emily is a Fitch and it is therefore her problem too.

Katie attempts at telling her Mother about her menopause, but she falls asleep. Great Mother, eh? When she wakes, Katie finds Naomi and Emily arguing in the kitchen. Apparently Emily is annoyed that Naomi didn’t even ask her before welcoming her family into her home and Emily kisses Naomi in front of her Mother just to spite her.

In the back garden, there’s a huge drug-fest of a barbecue going down. Emily kisses a random girl at the party, and Naomi looks on distraught, but feeling like she deserves it. Katie begs Emily to stop, but Emily is out of control. She pushes Naomi into the paddling pool and Naomi cries instantly, claiming that the whole situation is a ‘fucking pantomime’.

Jenna catches the whole thing and insists that someone tells her what is going on. Naomi nobly takes the complete blame, telling everyone there that she slept with the dead girl, gave her the drugs and that she has fucked Emily’s life up. Jenna gives us the famous ‘I told you so!’ Understandably, Emily lashes out, telling her Mother to stop playing ‘happy families’.

In another attempt to get some calm, Katie takes a bath. Exhausted, she falls asleep again, as Thomas goes to the toilet unaware that Katie is naked. To make things even more awkward, Thomas has locked himself in, so Katie tries to make things less weird. Thomastells her that she should always be herself, and Katie kisses him. She finally blurts out to someone that she can’t have children. He is glad she confided in him and they decide they would be better off as friends.

Katie walks around the house, making her final stop Emily’s room. She notices her sister crying on her bed and holds her. She understands.

The whole family, including Emily, go back to their old house to collect Jenna. Katie goes in on her own first and tells her straight away that she can’t have children. Katie cries to her Mum, explaining that she’s tried to tell her before but she wasn’t there for her. Jenna realizes the error of her ways and Katie forces her to begin appreciating her family more.

The rest of the family come in, and the Fitch parents make up in no time. They endure in a three minute snog as the children begin eating their boxes of pizza on the floor of the empty house. Their parents join them and they live happily ever after… right?

Next Week: It’s Freddie. Usually boring, but the teasers for next week look pretty good. Fingers crossed!

On with the categories…

Surgery of the Week.

Quite a few great surgeries this week, but I’m going to have to vouch for the arm amputation by Sloane, Hunt and Little Grey.

Seems like a random place to put a severed arm, but they attached it to the patient’s left hip. Why? To preserve it, of course!

Yeah *ahem*… Of course. Don’t ask me how this works, but it seems pretty amazing anyway I suppose.

Romance of the Week.

What did I tell you? The romance was scarce. Makes no sense, seeing as it was Valentine’s Day. But this week, Callie and Arizona finally fixed Bailey up with the hot anaesthesiologist from last week.

Seems that Bailey blushed a little when she told him she liked him. And you should all know that Bailey never blushes.

It was cute anyway, I’m not sure about romantic. Maybe next week we’ll see where that goes…

Bailey Moment of the Week.

Both of Bailey’s greatest moments fall into romance and surgery this week.

So we’re gonna recycle that for the exact moment in which she told the guy, after plucking up all the courage she could muster, that she liked him. Oh, the excitement.

Quote of the Week.

For, I think, the first time, Quote of the Week is won by Grey.

“You’re gonna have to make this up to me with a lot of sex.”

Granted, there weren’t many great quotes this week, but I thought this was mildly humorous, especially for Grey, as she often seems to be the fun sponge among the group.

Overall Episode Rating: 6 out of 10. I had high hopes for this episode because it was the Valentine’s one. I was a little disappointed however, simply because nothing really surprising happened. Let’s hope for better next week.

For those of you who don’t know Cook, you’re missing out.

Possibly the best character of the 2nd generation of Skins, and this episode was dedicated entirely to him.

At the start of the episode, we see him in a prison cell after attacking a randomer at the party from last week. After repeatedly being told to plead guilty, he does the complete opposite in true Cookie fashion and pleads not guilty. (Even though we all know, and the judge knows, that he did it.) As a result of his plea, he is fitted with an electronic tag, which means he has to stay home between 7pm and 7am.

Of course, Cook doesn’t have a house. So where will he stay? The policewoman says that he will be staying at his Mother’s house. After initially being annoyed by this – he and his Mother don’t have the best of relationships – he finds out that his Mother is in fact a successful artist and is pretty much minted. (This means ‘ridiculously rich’, if you’re not from the UK and were wondering.)

The next day, Cook takes his little brother Paddy to school. A private school, obviously. Paddy tells his big bro that some of the boys there are bullying him, and Cook scares them into not doing it again.

After safely seeing his brother off to school, Cook returns to Roundview, where we also see the rest of the gang. He asks all of them (except for Freddie and Effy, obviously) if they want to skip college and come out for a drink. JJ is still annoyed about the fact that Cook hit him and Pandora is on JJ’s side. Naomi and Emily obviously have troubles of their own to deal with, so they decline Cook’s offer too.

As if on cue, the poncy arsehole that is Professor Blood comes out of nowhere and explains to Cookie that he has been expelled. Spraying pepper spray in his eyes, Blood calls security to remove him from the building.

On his way out, Cook sees a small remembrance area for the dead girl, Sophia. Is that a hint of apology I see in Cook’s eyes?

Desperate to talk to someone, he visits Naomi’s house, where he meets her as she takes out her rubbish. Naomi tells Cook about the affair she had with Sophia and how shit she now feels. She also explains to Cook that they can talk about Sophia; that she killed herself and they didn’t kill her. Cook denies feeling guilty and staggers away, as Naomi shouts ‘DEAL WITH IT!’

Cook re-visits his lawyer, who basically tells him to grow up. Cook tells Duncan that he’s shit, and storms off like a child. Maybe he does need to grow up a bit…

Bored, Cook visits his Mother at her art gallery. After seeing Freddie’s name on his Mother’s artwork (which is titled: ‘ALL MY COCKS’) Cook asks her if it’s true. She replies ‘Jimmy, art is always true.’ Fair enough. On his way out, Cook trips on the cable for one of his Mum’s pieces, which destroys it and apparently loses her £90,000. She insists that he did it on purpose and Cook proceeds to leave the gallery, vomitting once he is outside. But did he vomit because of the artwork he just ruined? Or is Cookie facing the physical effects of guilt?

Panicking, Cook goes to Shanky’s house (the guy who he hit.) He tries to tell him that he is sorry for what he did, and if he could put in a good word for him in the court. Apparently this was the wrong this to say – Shanky is having none of it and tells him he hopes he gets ‘fucked up the arse in the shower’. Pleasant.

Returning home, Cook is surprised to see Freddie there. His Mother is obviously pissed, and she passes out on the floor.

The pair go upstairs, where Freddie admits that Cook’s Mum gave him a blow job on his 15th birthday. Cook admits in return that he let Freddie have the only girl he ever loved. He gets extremely angry, and Freddie can’t do anything but say sorry. Cook understands that sorry really is the hardest word sometimes. (Props to Elton John for that lyric!) Freddie tells Cook that he and JJ really do love him and all he needs to do is stop.

After Freddie leaves, Cook’s little brother returns home after being escorted by the police. Apparently, Paddy wanted nothing more than to be like his big brother and did a bunch of things that Cook would do. One of these things being that he stole bras from Marks and Spencers. Their Mother flips and Cook steals her Rolls Royce, taking his brother with him.

After teaching Paddy to drive recklessly, Cook smashes up the car and gives his brother a bit of weed. However, Cook sees that he has had an impact on his brother, which freaks him out a bit. So they head over to Naomi’s.

They let Little Cook sleep on the sofa and Cook and Naomi go outside to talk about things. After Naomi tells Cook about how much she admires him because he just lives in the moment, they kiss. Naomily fans need not panic – the kiss is short-lived. They stop kissing and Cook exclaims, cheekily “Jesus, I’m never gonna get to bone you, am I?” Naomi replies “Nope, I love someone.” At which Cook can only say “you and me both, girl.” Aww.

Cook goes back to his lawyer and begins to tell all. Duncan tells his to grow up. Again. And Cook realizes what he needs to do.

Turning over a new leaf, sort of, Cook lies to the police and tells them that he sold the MDMA to Sophia, sparing Naomi from getting the blame. Effy visits him in prison to explain that she loves Freddie. Cook takes it surprisingly well and she leaves.

The last time we see him, Cook has pleaded guilty in court. Effy, Freddie and JJ are there waiting for him. Effy catches Cook’s eye and she nods. I’m guessing this means she understands what’s been said.

Cook is in prison. Let’s hope not for long, because he’s turning out to be one of the most multi-dimensional characters out of the lot.

Next week: It’s Katie’s episode. Spoilers for next week suggest that some sexy times go down between her and Thomas and that she’s having a lot of trouble at home without Emily. Seems she gets into a couple of fights too, but how will she cope without her sister by her side?